Fight Fire With Sapphire!

~ Tuesday, April 15, 2003
The appalling Andrew Bolt at the Herod Sin (and I don't mean that in a pro-Christian way) makes a typically Western, morally absolutist claim in one of his latest columns.

"They were wrong," he pompously declares about us, utterly certain that he knows the "truth". But as we all know, nothing can truly be known, and therefore, ipso (de)facto, nothing can be known to be absolutely true. And if there is no such thing as absolute truth, then there can be no difference between right and wrong! Which renders his whole argument wrong from the start.

So, why would Bolt write such appalling propaganda? Well, he is employed by the Sin, right? And the Sin is a Murdoch paper. Rupert Murdoch drives a Rolls Royce. Rolls Royces use oil. Oil comes from Iraq. Oil also comes from Texas. So does George W Bush. Texas has less oil than Iraq. This makes Dubya feel inadequate, and so he wants more. Which is why he bombed Iraq!

Not only is Bolt a cheerleader for that fascist invasion, he's morally complicit in it. He should be tried for war crimes!

Perhaps the most appalling part of the column is this war-cry: "Let's move on to the next war -- a war for our culture. A war for truth, rationality, humanity, democracy and wisdom. Let the accountability begin."

"Culture"? Whenever I hear anybody talk of "culture" I reach for my placard.

"Rationality"? An ideology designed solely to perpetuate the peenie-waving patriarchy.

"Truth" and (therefore) "wisdom"? As I've just proved in the first pragraph with my searing logic, neither exist.

"Democracy"? Interchangeable with "rationality".

"Humanity"? Well we all know what that means, don't we: everyone except the little black people, gay people, yellow people and swarthy people... and, er, any other minority groups I might have left out. (And even if the term is genuinely racially inclusive, it's still speciesist, isn't it?)

Then there's the final sentence: "Let the accountability begin." Ugh, that's just so typical that a Nazi would use a fiscal analogy, now isn't it?

Which all goes to show that contrary to Bolt's appalling assertion, we on the Left were right all along. And it's actually he and his fellow Nazis who owe us. (In fact, I think there's a good case for reparations here. I'll get on the phone to Slater and Gordon and see what can be done.)
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